Relationships and communication skills.
The tools of presence, listening and self expression.
Business is about people.
We buy from people and sell to people, get advice from them.
People are everywhere.
That’s why results in business are a function of our relationships, the way we listen, the way we express ourselves and the quality of our presence.
It’s amazing that the tools of presence, listening and self expression are not taught at every school and university as core subjects. We learn reading and writing and comprehension but most of us are unaware of “listening” or “the tools of presence” as subjects that we can focus on and practice.
We buy from people and sell to people, get advice from them.
People are everywhere.
That’s why results in business are a function of our relationships, the way we listen, the way we express ourselves and the quality of our presence.
It’s amazing that the tools of presence, listening and self expression are not taught at every school and university as core subjects. We learn reading and writing and comprehension but most of us are unaware of “listening” or “the tools of presence” as subjects that we can focus on and practice.
Many of us are terrified of public speaking. Many of us are so limited by our feelings of embarrassment and shame that we communicate through facades or made up masks that have nothing to do with who we really are.
What is the value of learning and practicing the art of “listening”?
Are you aware of how often people interrupt one another in the middle of a conversation, of how we sometimes appear to be listening but actually we are thinking of something else altogether, of how we are actually listening for a “gap” just waiting for a chance to jump in and say what’s on our minds, of how sometimes what appears to be a dialog is actually two unrelated monologs?
Title.
True listening is rare.
The feeling of being genuinely listened to is a rare gift.
People respond differently when they sense they are being listened to.
Listening is not judging or evaluating what a person is saying.
It is merely being present and aware of what this person is saying, how they are behaving as they speak, without judgment, without agreeing or disagreeing, with the intention of witnessing, hearing and understanding their meaning.
Clearly, in business and in any other environment as well it is important to understand people’s intentions, responses, requests, stories, offers, descriptions, ideas, plans, explanations, thoughts etc. as well as honouring them by listening to them.
What do I mean by self expression?
Let’s consider for a moment how we express emotions.
Some of us are so limited in our ability to express emotions that we “bottle up”, walk away, sulk, engage in irrelevant distractions, bang our heads against the wall and all manner of indirect and unclear behaviours.
Some of us explode in violent language or actions.
Some of us fall to pieces, weeping.
Now all these behaviours do express emotions but not necasarily in ways that lend themselves to usefull communication.
Most of us are severely limited in our ability to express both positive and negative emotions in useful ways.
Most of us have not learned to identify the satisfied and unsatisfied needs that these emotions are expressing, both in ourselves and in others.
In business and in life we are offering things and requesting things all the time but so many of us have not learned to request the things we need without blaming, without complaining, without being a victim and without being an aggressor.
What do I mean by the quality of presence?
Imagine a room full of people.
Something changes in the room when you enter or when you leave.
People feel your presence even before you act or speak.
I remember one evening, after an inter-vasity rugby match, which the home team won, the lounge of the Coetzenberg Hotel, Stellenbosch, South Africa was jam-packed with a rowdy mob of jubilant students, pushing and shoving, singing dirty songs, rough and full of beer and then Madamme appeared. Madamme Blanche was the sous-chef and Maitre d of the hotel restaurant, about one metre sixty (five foot something) tall, 60 years old with a pleasant disposition. This little creature wanted to cross this room and she simply said: “sil voux plais monsieur..“ and within seconds the room became silent and the huge rumbling scrum of drunken humanity became silent and parted like the Red Sea to let her through and when she had passed immediately resumed their ruckus.
The feeling of being genuinely listened to is a rare gift.
People respond differently when they sense they are being listened to.
Listening is not judging or evaluating what a person is saying.
It is merely being present and aware of what this person is saying, how they are behaving as they speak, without judgment, without agreeing or disagreeing, with the intention of witnessing, hearing and understanding their meaning.
Clearly, in business and in any other environment as well it is important to understand people’s intentions, responses, requests, stories, offers, descriptions, ideas, plans, explanations, thoughts etc. as well as honouring them by listening to them.
What do I mean by self expression?
Let’s consider for a moment how we express emotions.
Some of us are so limited in our ability to express emotions that we “bottle up”, walk away, sulk, engage in irrelevant distractions, bang our heads against the wall and all manner of indirect and unclear behaviours.
Some of us explode in violent language or actions.
Some of us fall to pieces, weeping.
Now all these behaviours do express emotions but not necasarily in ways that lend themselves to usefull communication.
Most of us are severely limited in our ability to express both positive and negative emotions in useful ways.
Most of us have not learned to identify the satisfied and unsatisfied needs that these emotions are expressing, both in ourselves and in others.
In business and in life we are offering things and requesting things all the time but so many of us have not learned to request the things we need without blaming, without complaining, without being a victim and without being an aggressor.
What do I mean by the quality of presence?
Imagine a room full of people.
Something changes in the room when you enter or when you leave.
People feel your presence even before you act or speak.
I remember one evening, after an inter-vasity rugby match, which the home team won, the lounge of the Coetzenberg Hotel, Stellenbosch, South Africa was jam-packed with a rowdy mob of jubilant students, pushing and shoving, singing dirty songs, rough and full of beer and then Madamme appeared. Madamme Blanche was the sous-chef and Maitre d of the hotel restaurant, about one metre sixty (five foot something) tall, 60 years old with a pleasant disposition. This little creature wanted to cross this room and she simply said: “sil voux plais monsieur..“ and within seconds the room became silent and the huge rumbling scrum of drunken humanity became silent and parted like the Red Sea to let her through and when she had passed immediately resumed their ruckus.
There is much to be learnedabout the tools of presence, much to be unlearned about shame and embarrassment.
In my workshops we learn to take responsibility for who we are being in any situation, how we are behaving and we practice and develop our skills of communication.
In my workshops we learn to take responsibility for who we are being in any situation, how we are behaving and we practice and develop our skills of communication.